Does dick size matter for gay men?

EDITORS NOTE: By the title of this article, you should know that this will be more ADULT-themed and versed than some of our other pieces. The Gay Male Journal is a publication by and for HOMOSEXUAL males over 18, and our content is tailored to our demographic and shared lived experiences.

There is always talk about if a guy’s penis size matters, and almost always, it is from the perspective of women or their benefit. How gay males feel about size is rarely addressed thoughtfully. Of course, we are called names like “size queens,” but having our anatomy viewed without humor and given validity is rare. We aim to change that with this article.

First off, let’s answer the question asked. Does size really matter? The short answer is YES. The longer answer is still yes, but it includes allowances for the individual, the “usage,” and even the duration of sex. When anyone says that size does not matter, they are lying. Don’t believe us? Ask them if 3 inches is perfect. What about 12? How about thick as a beer bottle or a baby’s wrist? See, size ALWAYS matters.

We thought it best to start on the same page for this topic. This means it’s Definition time!

DEFINITIONS

It might not seem like it, but words still matter. And this includes their meanings. We must agree on the meaning of these terms to have a compelling and well-articulated conversation about something as delicate as cock size.

Penis:

The male sex organ reaches its full size during puberty. In addition to its sexual function, the penis acts as a conduit for urine to leave the body. Sometimes called a cock, dick, wang, dong, and even BIO-DICK, a man is born with a penis that will alter in size, shape, and even color throughout his life.

Size:

The typical penis is 5.25ins long and 4.6ins around when erect. There is NO link between race and a man’s penis size. This is a myth. There also is no link between hand/shoe size or a man’s height. But, gay males are known to have a 1/3 of an inch greater endowment than straight fellows.

Most assume the average size is much more significant, and 6ins or even 7ins are commonly quoted figures. Interestingly enough, most guys OVER-ESTIMATE their size when participating in “self-reporting” studies but UNDER-ESTIMATE the size of their penis in real life due to the natural effect of looking down on it. If you want to learn how to correctly measure your equipment, click HERE.

Finally, in this article, we are ONLY speaking about erection measurements because studies prove that over 79% of us are growers and not show-ers, to some extent.

Shape:

For some reason, the shape of the penis in question is not considered as much as it should be. Dicks come in just as many shapes as there are men. Curvatures to either the left or right, up or down, are not uncommon. Neither are seemingly drastic changes in width between the head and the shaft. The shape is just as crucial in penis anatomy as length.

YOUR PENIS SIZE

No discussion about penis size should begin without talking about your penis. As a gay male, you have a penis and want guys with a penis. This gives you specific insight into the issue but makes you just as much a part of the question as the answer.

You will find yourself mentioned in this article no matter your size/girth. Your junk will be scrutinized and examined for perfection by other guys just as often as you will do so with theirs. But the person who needs to be most satisfied with the size of your penis is you.

Numerous studies have proven that a man’s sense of self-worth, ability, confidence, sexual orientation, and even sexual position is determined by how he perceives his member. Ironically, this image does not need to be based on fact. Some guys believe they have a smaller-than-average penis, even though they don’t, and will have the same issues as one who truly has a smaller-than-average one. The same thing is possible on the opposite spectrum. Guys who believe they are more significant than average will behave as such, no matter the actual size of their endowment.

Not surprisingly, many gay guys allow the size of their dicks to determine their usually lifelong sexual positions. Guys with a smaller endowment are known to bottom more than those with a larger one. Many who are well endowed are expected to top based on the size of their cock alone. At the very least, he is looked down upon if he is not versatile.

Guys who do not fit neatly into the “top/bottom” position based on their cock size often complain of not being able to find sexual partners who will allow them to perform sexually as they feel most comfortable. This includes stereotypes based on race and body type.

It has never been studied which one came first—the acknowledged size of a guy’s penis or his preferred sexual position. But either way, you should not allow it to be your life’s ultimate decision-maker.

No man is totally and utterly thrilled with the size of his penis. In questionnaires, guys have claimed to be willing to sacrifice everything from money to years of their life expectancy and even height to gain just an inch or two more cock. Coming to terms with this fact does not need to be heartbreaking. This is all part of being a man. Perfection is impossible; no surgery can give you length, cock rings, and penis pumps only give temporary growth, and being depressed over your size will not change what genetics has given you.

The solution is learning to love what you have and finding a man or men who love it just as much, or even more, than you do.

HIS PENIS SIZE

The fastest way to unhappiness and heartbreak is by having unrealistic expectations for your partners. He will remain the way you found him. Unfortunately, many want what they can’t have and what does not exist in nature. The perfect man with the perfect career and perfect cock is not out there. Not in the clubs, not on dating apps, and not walking down the street. Because he is a fantasy and one that our community needs to let go of. Having realistic expectations begins with knowing the basics of male penile biology.

MicroPenis

Micropenis is a medical term for a condition usually discovered in infants through a newborn examination. As the term suggests, micropenis refers to an abnormally small but normally structured penis. Hormonal or genetic abnormalities cause the condition.

Important things to know about a micropenis:

Some men may believe they have a micropenis, but that’s likely not the case and it’s very rare.
A micropenis has a stretched penile length (SPL) of less than 2.5 standard deviations (SD) below the mean for the male’s age.
In men, an SPL of 3 2/3 inches or less indicates a micropenis. The average SPL for adult males is 5.25 inches.
Genetics (family history) may play a role in the condition.
There is no cure for micropenis, but hormone therapy may be done for children to stimulate penile growth.
Estimates vary, but studies indicate that 0.6 percent of men worldwide have the condition.

Your chances of having a micropenis, or encountering someone who does, are slim but not impossible.

Small Penis

Over 45% of guys believe they have a “small” penis. This is, of course, relative. For far too many gay guys, it has much to do with porn images and the over-estimated size of others around them. The more a man has sex with other men, the more comfortable he becomes with his size as he realizes he is probably on the “normal” scale of cock averages.

But, so that you know the facts. Medically speaking, a “small penis” is below the average but not to the extent of being a micropenis. This would mean being below 11.66 cm (4.59 in) for most guys. It should be noted that when accounting for UNRELIABLE self-reported measurements, findings were 14.2 cm (5.6 in).

Average Penis

It is what is says on the tin. The average guy is going to fall within this range when erect. To be accurate, this would include guys who are at least 4.59 inches or, to use the highly unreliable self-reporting number, 5.6 inches.

This is most likely you, the guys you meet online or at the clubs. Average is not a bad thing to be.

Medium Penis

This category was created to reflect our personal “research” into gay male penis sizes, as well as including what is said on the internet. Science does not get this specific, so we decided to help it out a bit.

If we begin with the medium size at 6.5 inches, it will expand to around 7.5-8 inches MAXIMUM. For many gay males, this is the range they are convinced they fall into and want their sexual partners to be in. It is more significant than average but not in the MACRO grouping. Where did these numbers come from? PORN, of course.

Porn stars, models, actors, or whatever you want to call them, are explicitly hired because they are greater endowed than the average guy. Of course, the exception would be for guys who are ONLY bottoms on screen. Comparing yourself and/or sex partners to guys who have sex for a living is the epitome of unrealistic expectations. Numerous studies show that only 15 percent of men are over 7 inches long, and only 3 percent are over 8 inches.

Macro Penis

You are in this grouping if you, or the men in your bed, have over 8 inches.

7 in 1000 guys (0.7%) have a 9″ penis
0.1% of guys have a penis larger than 9″.

It is not all sunshine, rainbows, and lollipops for these guys. Complaints range from being seen only as a sex object, being unable to find guys who can handle their size, never being able to bottom, and finding clothes to cover their endowment properly.

But, shed no tears for these guys because many gays would never run from such a challenge.

Anal SIZE Matters TOO!

We could not end this article without discussing the size of something else that matters.

Knowing how your gay male body works should be an integral part of your sexual information tool kit. If you want to learn how your entire “ASS SYSTEM” works, you can visit their graphic, detailed, but accurate page over at The Gay Men’s Health Project (GMFA) in the UK.

For this article, we would like to point out a few essential facts:

The Prostate (male G spot) is located ONLY an inch and a half inside of your asshole. It does not take much to provide you or your partner with an intense sexual feeling that will literally be orgasmic.

Pubo-rectal sling This is a supportive solid muscle that creates the first curve in the rectum. It’s one of the most powerful muscles in the body after the tongue. The muscle responds to pressure or poking by clamping down to close the rectum, and this can prove painful when getting fucked, fingered, or toyed with. When a cock stabs this, you get that ‘whoa, get the fuck out of me’ sensation. Straightening the rectum a bit by adopting a position where the knees are drawn up will help avoid this.

The rectum contains relatively few nerve endings and is less sensitive. In general, it transmits mostly sensations of pressure. As it is the continuation of the anal canal, the rectum is another tube-like structure between five and nine inches long, made of loose folds of soft, smooth tissue. It’s worth remembering that the average length of a cock when erect is between five and six inches, so most cocks only get as far as your rectum. Usually, the rectum is more open and spacious than the anal canal but also shares its capacity for expansion.

Taken together, all of the above means that penis size is important, but so is the size of your anal cavity. But unlike a dick, your hole can stretch, widen and lengthen to accommodate larger objects with practice and over time. Not everyone will achieve maximum utility of their cavity, nor will most want to, but for those who do, there are ways to do so safely. Click HERE for our article on this topic.

Size and sex

Penis size and dating are connected. Some guys like larger, others the opposite. These are fine until they interfere with your ability to find joy in your sexual or romantic life.

No matter how often we say it, some people refuse to believe that dating/relationships are not the same as hooking up. Yes, sometimes one can turn into the other, but often they don’t. Your expectations should reflect this fact.

Dating vs. Hooking up

Let’s start with some hard truths. Gay “dating” apps don’t exist. What we have are hookup sites that some try to use for dating. Every single gay dating app is this way. Hell, every app or social media outlet can quickly become a gay hookup app. From Facebook to Twitter and even LinkedIn, we have found ways to use these platforms to find new sexual partners. This is not a critique, just a fact.

If you find yourself on a hookup app, bar, club, sauna, or any place guys go to meet and find sex, cock size is going to be a big issue. People are honest about what they want in their profiles once the conversation begins. Unfortunately, not all guys are honest about what they have, which is an issue for another article.

Dick size is tied for first place with “are you a top or a bottom” in the hookup world. Those outside of our community find this to be horrible, but honestly, its none of their damn business. No law says you must participate in hookup culture, so if this reality does not work for you, don’t dive into these waters.

Regarding dating and actual relationships, penis size can be significant, depending on the guys. But, most want to find someone who can satisfy them sexually, which always includes cock size. Yes, even if they don’t practice anal sex often. Oral sex is an integral part of gay male sex, so size will still be relevant.

Can a budding relationship end over cock size? Yes, and it does pretty often. Not because one of the guys is a selfish prick but because sexual satisfaction is a large portion of our joy in dating. Yes, emotions and cuddling are pleasant, but we LOVE SEX. There is NOTHING wrong with this, and we need to stop demonizing ourselves for it or allowing others to do it to us.

There are options to compensate for lack of compatibility in dick size, but it is an enormous ask.

Sex toys

It is not uncommon for dildos to be used in hooking-up and relationships. But this is when both parties agree on their usage, not because they are to be a substitute for a natural penis. In a relationship, this method does not work for long if you try to replace a desired dick with a store-bought imitation. “Ain’t nothing like the REAL thing, baby!“

The average gay man who buys sex toys does so primarily for solo and personal usage. It is wrong to expect or even demand someone make a rubber dong replacement and forego their pleasure to please someone else. If you don’t match up, that’s fine; don’t try to force it, as this only breeds anger and resentment.

Before you go

Hopefully, you have learned something about male biology and sex. Our intent is never to change anyone’s mind or opinion on a topic but rather to provide facts and science and let you, the reader, make decisions that work best for you based on this information.

Just like everything else in life, the gay dating and hookup worlds are complex and very competitive. Guys can be specific AF in their requirements and will reject others just as quickly for not meeting or exceeding them. This will not change in our lifetime. But crying, bitching online, and writing nasty articles about how shallow the gay male community is, will not make a difference. But it will also keep your options to a solid ZERO. Low self-esteem is never sexy.

You can find your community. Find the guys who like you and what you are packing. For every top, there is a bottom, and vice versa. Finding the right ones might take a bit more time and effort, but it will be worth it once you do.

And if you want a shortcut, always remember that no matter your member’s size, shape, or girth, many guys are looking specifically for that somewhere on the internet.