EDITORS’ NOTE: From the title of this article, you should know that this will be more ADULT-themed and versed than some of our other articles. The Gay Male Journal is a publication by and for HOMOSEXUAL males over 18, and our content is tailored to our demographic and shared lived experiences.

There is always talk about whether a guy’s penis size matters, and almost always, it is from the perspective of women or their benefit. How gay males feel about size is rarely addressed thoughtfully. Of course, we are called names like “size queens,” but having our anatomy viewed without humor and given validity is rare. We aim to change that with this article.

First off, let’s answer the most asked question: Does size really matter? The short answer is YES. The longer answer is still yes, but it includes allowances for the individual, the “usage,” and even the duration of sex. When anyone says size doesn’t matter, they are lying. Don’t believe us? Ask them if 3 inches is perfect. What about 12? How about thick as a beer bottle or a baby’s wrist? See, size ALWAYS matters.

As homosexual males, we are born male, with a penis, and are only sexually attracted to other males, who also have a penis. This means that we must talk about the importance of size, not just as a preference in our sexual partners but also how we feel about our own member.

We thought it best to start on the same page for this topic. This means it’s Definition time!

DEFINITIONS

It might not seem like it, but words still matter. And this includes their meanings. We must agree on the meaning of these terms to have a compelling and well-articulated conversation about something as delicate as cock size.

Penis:

The male sex organ reaches its full size during puberty. In addition to its sexual function, the penis acts as a conduit for urine to leave the body. Sometimes called a cock, dick, wang, dong, and even BIO-DICK, a man is born with a penis that will change in size, shape, and even color throughout his life.

Size:

The typical penis is 5.25 inches long and 4.6 inches around when erect. There is NO link between race and a man’s penis size. This is a myth. There is also no link between hand/shoe size and a man’s height. But gay males are known to have a 1/3 of an inch greater endowment than straight fellows.

Most assume the average size is much larger, with 6, or even 7 inches, commonly quoted. Interestingly enough, most guys OVER-ESTIMATE their size when participating in “self-reporting” studies but UNDER-ESTIMATE the size of their penis in real life due to the natural effect of looking down on it. If you want to learn how to measure your equipment correctly, click HERE.

Finally, in this article, we are ONLY speaking about erection measurements because studies prove that over 79% of us are growers and not show-ers, to some extent.

Shape:

For some reason, the shape of the penis in question is not considered as much as it should be. Dicks come in just as many shapes as there are men. Curvatures to either the left or right, up or down, are not uncommon. Neither are seemingly drastic changes in width between the head and the shaft. The shape is just as crucial in penis anatomy as length.

YOUR PENIS SIZE

No discussion about penis size should begin without talking about your penis first. As a gay male, you have a penis and want guys with a penis. This gives you specific insight into the issue but makes you just as much a part of the question as the answer.

You will find yourself mentioned in this article no matter your size/girth. Your junk will be scrutinized and examined for perfection by other guys just as often as you will do so with theirs. But the person who needs to be most satisfied with the size of your penis is you.

Numerous studies have proven that a man’s sense of self-worth, ability, confidence, sexual orientation, and even sexual position are determined by how he perceives his member. Ironically, this image doesn’t have to be based on fact. Some guys believe they have a smaller-than-average penis, even though they don’t, and will have the same issues as one who truly has a smaller-than-average one. The same thing can happen on the opposite end of the spectrum. Guys who believe they are more significant than average will act like it, no matter the actual size of their endowment. So-called “big dick energy”.

Not surprisingly, many gay guys allow the size of their dicks to determine their usually lifelong sexual positions. Guys with a smaller endowment are known to bottom more than those with a larger one. Many who are well-endowed are expected to top based on the size of their cock alone. At the very least, he is looked down upon if he is not versatile.

Guys who do not fit neatly into the “top/bottom” position based on their cock size often complain of not being able to find sexual partners who will allow them to perform sexually as they feel most comfortable. This includes stereotypes based on race and body type.

It has never been studied which one came first—the acknowledged size of a guy’s penis or his preferred sexual position. Either way, you shouldn’t let it be the ultimate decision-maker in your life.

No man is totally and utterly thrilled with the size of his penis. In questionnaires, guys have claimed to be willing to sacrifice everything from money to years of their life expectancy and even height to gain just an inch or two more cock. Coming to terms with this fact doesn’t have to be heartbreaking. This is all part of being a man. Perfection is impossible; no surgery can give you length, cock rings and penis pumps only give temporary growth, and being depressed over your size will not change what genetics has given you.

The solution is to learn to love what you have and find a man or men who love it just as much, or even more, than you do.

HIS PENIS SIZE

The fastest way to unhappiness and heartbreak is to have unrealistic expectations of your partners. He will remain the way you found him. Unfortunately, many want what they can’t have and what does not exist in nature. The perfect man with the perfect career and perfect cock is not out there. Not in the clubs, not on dating apps, and not walking down the street. Because he is a fantasy and one that our community needs to let go of. Realistic expectations begin with knowing the basics of male penile biology.

MicroPenis

Micropenis is a medical term for a condition usually discovered in infants through a newborn examination. As the term suggests, micropenis refers to an abnormally small but normally structured penis. Hormonal or genetic abnormalities cause the condition.

Important things to know about a micropenis:

  • Some men may believe they have a micropenis, but that’s likely not the case, as it’s very rare.
  • A micropenis has a stretched penile length (SPL) of less than 2.5 standard deviations (SD) below the mean for the male’s age.
  • In men, an SPL of 3 2/3 inches or less indicates a micropenis. The average SPL for adult males is 5.25 inches.
  • Genetics (family history) may play a role.
  • There is no cure for micropenis, but hormone therapy may be done for children to stimulate penile growth.
  • Estimates vary, but studies indicate that 0.6 percent of men worldwide have the condition.

Your chances of having a micropenis, or encountering someone who does, are slim but not impossible.

Small Penis

Over 45% of guys believe they have a “small” penis. This is, of course, relative. For far too many gay guys, it has much to do with porn images and the overestimated size of others around them. The more a man has sex with other men, the more comfortable he becomes with his size as he realizes he is probably on the “normal” scale of cock averages.

But for the record. Medically speaking, a “small penis” is below the average but not to the extent of being a micropenis. This would mean being below 11.66 cm (4.59 in) for most guys. It should be noted that when accounting for UNRELIABLE self-reported measurements, the average was 14.2 cm (5.6 in).

Average Penis

It is what’s on the tin. The average guy is going to fall within this range when erect. To be accurate, this would include guys who are at least 4.59 inches, or, using the highly unreliable self-reported number, 5.6 inches.

This is most likely you, the guys you meet online or at the clubs. Average isn’t a bad thing.

Medium Penis

This category was created to reflect our personal “research” into gay male penis sizes, as well as what is said on the internet. Science isn’t this specific, so we decided to help it out a bit.

If we begin with the medium size at 6.5 inches, it will expand to around 7.5-8 inches MAXIMUM. For many gay males, this is the range they are convinced they fall into and want their sexual partners to be in. It is more significant than average but not in the MACRO grouping. Where did these numbers come from? PORN, of course.

Porn stars, models, actors, or whatever you want to call them, are explicitly hired because they are more endowed than the average guy. Of course, the exception would be for guys who are ONLY bottoms on screen. Comparing yourself and/or your sex partners to guys who have sex for a living is the epitome of unrealistic expectations. Numerous studies show that only 15 percent of men are over 7 inches long, and only 3 percent are over 8 inches.

Macro Penis

You are in this group if you or the men in your bed are over 8 inches.

  • 7 in 1000 guys (0.7%) have a 9″ penis
  • 0.1% of guys have a penis larger than 9″.

It is not all sunshine, rainbows, and lollipops for these guys. Complaints range from being seen only as a sex object, being unable to find guys who can handle their size, never being able to bottom, and finding clothes to cover their endowment properly.

But shed no tears for these guys because many gays would never run from such a challenge.

Can you change the size of your penis?

For guys who are unhappy with the natural size of their penis, there are options, but most of the information contradicts itself. Here are some of the most common methods attempted, with varying levels of success.

Penile Extenders—The Only Non-Surgical Method with Real Evidence

Penile traction devices are the only at-home approach with meaningful clinical support. These are mechanical devices that apply a low, sustained stretch to penile tissue over weeks or months. Modern devices like RestoreX and Penimaster PRO have been studied primarily in men with Peyronie’s disease (a condition involving abnormal curvature), but the length data applies more broadly.

Across multiple studies, men using traction devices gained an average of 1.5 to 2.3 cm (roughly 0.6 to 0.9 inches) in length. That’s a real, measurable change, but it’s not dramatic either. Newer research has found that shorter daily sessions of 30 to 90 minutes can be just as effective as older protocols that required hours of wear per day. Adherence rates in these studies exceeded 85%, suggesting the shorter protocols are far easier to stick with.

  • How they work: Apply gentle, sustained traction to the penis for hours each day, over several months
  • Results: On average, an increase of ~2 centimeters in length
  • Caveats: Progress is slow and requires “extreme compliance”—i.e., daily use for months. Side effects can include bruising, numbness, or lack of efficacy

Penile Enlargement Surgery

A procedure that aims to increase the length or girth of the penis.

Surgery may involve the insertion of silicone implants, the transfer of fat cells, or the use of skin grafts to increase the size of the penis. Other approaches may take the form of cosmetic surgery to give the appearance of a longer penis.

The true need for penis enlargement is rare. According to the Urology Care Foundation (UCF), surgery is only necessary if a person has a condition called micropenis. This term describes a penis that is 7.5 centimeters or shorter when stretched.

A penis that functions adequately for both sexual intercourse and urination does not require surgery. The authors of a 2020 review noted that the majority of those seeking treatments for penis size have a penis within the normal, functioning range.

The same researchers attribute this finding to the ill-conceived notion, reinforced by pornography, that sexual fulfillment depends on the size of the male phallus. The study also comments that surgery to enlarge a functional penis already within the normal size range is unethical.

  • According to the UCF, almost no method of penis augmentation works.
  • A 2018 study notes that the Penuma device demonstrated an average 56.7% increase in the girth of the penis, as well as high patient satisfaction and improved ratings of self-confidence and self-esteem, even after long-term follow-up.
  • There is no guarantee that penis enlargement surgery will be effective. Additionally, a person must consider that penis enlargement surgery often involves significant and possibly permanent complications.

Vacuum Pumps

These can be purchased everywhere, from online to sex shops and even large box chain stores. These devices create temporary engorgement by drawing blood into the penis. They’re effective for that purpose and are commonly prescribed for erectile dysfunction. But they don’t produce permanent increases in size.

A six-month study of men using vacuum therapy for elongation found the average length went from 7.6 cm to 7.9 cm, a difference that was not statistically significant. The researchers rated the overall efficacy at just 10%, though 30% of men reported psychological satisfaction from using the device. The study’s conclusion was blunt: vacuum treatment is not an effective method for penile elongation.

Can natural exercises increase size?

Jelqing and manual stretching techniques are widely promoted online. There are no clinical studies demonstrating that it increases size. What does exist is documentation of injuries.

Aggressive jelqing can tear tissue or damage the ligaments connecting the penis to the pelvis. Reported complications include bruising, pain along the shaft, skin irritation, scar tissue formation, vein rupture, and in the worst cases, permanent erectile dysfunction. The risk of developing scar tissue is particularly concerning because it can lead to Peyronie’s disease, creating painful curvature and potentially shortening the penis rather than lengthening it.

Stretching Exercises

In this exercise, men are supposed to use their thumb and index finger to slide the skin from the top to the bottom of the penis. This exercise has to be done for 20 minutes every day to achieve the desired results. The main catch is not to let ejaculation happen during the exercise. If you have an erection during the exercise, you should immediately stop and wait for about five minutes to let the penis relax.

  • Jelqing Exercise: This is the most common exercise recommended to men for penis enlargement. In this exercise, men are required to place both their hands on the penis and gently move them from top to bottom. This procedure helps in thickening the penis.
  • Massage Exercise: In this particular exercise, a doctor-recommended lubricant should be applied to the penis skin and massaged gently. This exercise helps stretch the skin of the penis, which leads to the enlargement of the male reproductive organ.
  • Kegel Exercise: Kegel exercises are the best option during the time of intercourse. This is also a kind of massaging exercise in which you are supposed to gently rub your penis with one hand. It helps in increasing the size and thickness of the penis. You should stop the rubbing if there is an erection.

What definitely does NOT work:

  • Pills, supplements, creams, or oils have never been shown in a clinical study to increase penis size.
  • Products marketed as “male enhancement” supplements typically contain ingredients that may mildly support blood flow (similar to how a cup of coffee might), but they do not cause tissue growth. Some contain unlisted pharmaceutical ingredients that can interact dangerously with other medications.
  • Hormone therapies can influence penile development, but only before puberty is complete. The European Association of Urology’s 2023 guidelines state that endocrinological therapies are effective only in the prepubertal setting. For adults, hormonal approaches do not produce growth.

Anal SIZE Matters TOO!

We could not end this article without discussing the size of something else that matters.

Knowing how your gay male anus/rectum works should be an integral part of your sexual information toolkit. If you want to learn how your entire “ASS SYSTEM” works, visit their detailed, accurate graphic page at The Gay Men’s Health Project (GMFA) in the UK.

For this article, we would like to point out a few essential facts:

The Prostate (male G-spot) is located ONLY an inch and a half inside your asshole. It does not take much to provide you or your partner with an intense sexual feeling that will literally be orgasmic.

Puborectal sling: This is a supportive, solid muscle that creates the first curve in the rectum. It’s one of the body’s most powerful muscles after the tongue. The muscle responds to pressure or poking by clamping down to close the rectum, and this can prove painful when getting fucked, fingered, or toyed with. When a cock stabs this, you get that ‘whoa, get the fuck out of me’ sensation. Slightly straightening the rectum by adopting a position with the knees drawn up will help avoid this. 

The rectum contains relatively few nerve endings and is less sensitive. In general, it transmits mostly pressure sensations. As the continuation of the anal canal, the rectum is another tube-like structure, between five and nine inches long, composed of loose folds of soft, smooth tissue. It’s worth remembering that the average length of a cock when erect is between five and six inches, so most cocks only get as far as your rectum. Usually, the rectum is more open and spacious than the anal canal, but it also has a greater capacity for expansion.

Taken together, all of the above means that penis size is important, but so is the size of your anal cavity. But unlike a dick, your hole can stretch, widen, and lengthen to accommodate larger objects with practice over time. Not everyone will achieve maximum utility of their cavity, nor will most want to, but for those who do, there are safe ways to do so. Click HERE for our article on this topic.

Size and sex

Penis size and dating are connected. Some guys like larger, others the opposite. These are fine until they interfere with your ability to find joy in your sexual or romantic life.

No matter how often we say it, some people refuse to believe dating/relationships aren’t the same as hooking up. Yes, sometimes one can turn into the other, but often they don’t. Your expectations should reflect this fact.

Dating vs. Hooking up

Let’s start with some hard truths. Gay “dating” apps don’t exist. What we have are hookup sites that some try to use for dating. Every single gay dating app is this way. Hell, every app or social media outlet can quickly become a gay hookup app. From Facebook to Twitter (excuse us...X) and even LinkedIn, gays have found ways to use these platforms to find new sexual partners. This is not a critique, just a fact.

If you find yourself on a hookup app, bar, club, sauna, or any place guys go to meet and find sex, cock size is going to be a big issue. People are honest about what they want in their profiles once the conversation begins. Unfortunately, not all guys are honest about what they have, which is an issue for another article.

Dick size is tied for first place with “are you a top or a bottom” in the hookup world. Those outside our community find this horrible, but honestly, it’s none of their damn business. No law says you must participate in hookup culture, so if this reality does not work for you, don’t dive into these waters.

Regarding dating and actual relationships, penis size can be significant, depending on the guys. But most want to find someone who can satisfy them sexually, which always includes cock size. Yes, even if they don’t practice anal sex often. Oral sex is an integral part of gay male sex, so size will still be relevant.

Can a budding relationship end over cock size? Yes, and it does pretty often. Not because one of the guys is a selfish prick, but because sexual satisfaction is a large portion of our joy in dating. Yes, emotions and cuddling are pleasant, but we LOVE SEX. There is NOTHING wrong with this, and we need to stop demonizing ourselves for it or allowing others to do it to us.

There are options to compensate for a lack of compatibility in dick size, but it is an enormous ask.

Sex toys

Dildos are not uncommon in hookups and relationships. But this is when both parties agree on their usage, not because they are to be a substitute for a natural penis. In a relationship, this method does not work for long if you try to replace a desired dick with a store-bought imitation. “Ain’t nothing like the REAL thing, baby!“

The average gay man who buys sex toys does so primarily for solo and personal use. It is wrong to expect, or even demand, that someone make a rubber dong replacement and forgo their pleasure to please someone else. If you don’t match up, that’s fine; don’t force it, as it only breeds anger and resentment.

Before you go

Hopefully, you have learned something about male biology and sex. Our intent is never to change anyone’s mind or opinion on a topic but rather to provide facts and science and let you, the reader, make decisions that work best for you based on this information.

Just like everything else in life, the gay dating and hookup worlds are complex and very competitive. Guys can be specific AF in their requirements and will reject others just as quickly for not meeting or exceeding them. This will not change in our lifetime. But crying, bitching online, and writing nasty articles about how shallow the gay male community is will not make a difference. It will also keep your options at a solid ZERO. Low self-esteem is never sexy.

You can find your community. Find the guys who like you and what you are packing. For every top, there is a bottom, and vice versa. Finding the right ones might take a bit more time and effort, but it will be worth it once you do.

And if you want a shortcut, always remember that no matter your member’s size, shape, or girth, many guys are looking specifically for that somewhere on the internet.

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