Do you have six close friends? Do you have someone you can talk to about what worries you? How many gay male friends do you have (that are just friends)? Various studies in recent years have shown that men’s social circles are shrinking. Thirty years ago, the proportion of men with at least six close friends was just over half. Now it’s below 25%. That means 75% of men don’t have a close circle of six other people. As many as 15% of single men say they have zero close friends. That’s almost one in every six single men who have nobody to turn to with the big stuff, the worrying stuff, or to confide in.

Losing friends

The research talks about men in general, and gay men, stereotypically at least, tend to be more social than straight men. But even we are being affected by the loneliness epidemic, especially if we reject the notions of gender identity ideology and stand up for the realities of biological sex. Gay men who even dare to question the “LGBTQ+ orthodoxy” can find themselves ostracised from their gay friendship circles and even barred from their local LGBT bar (what we used just to call a gay bar). One of my closest friends completely cut me out of his life after he found out I didn’t believe someone could change sex, that a child could be born in the wrong body, or that trans-identifying females should be trying to entice gay men into bed.

On top of the general societal changes affecting male friendship and the specific impact that holding “gender critical” views, or just rejecting gender identity ideology, has on gay men, we’re all more and more isolated following lengthy periods of COVID lockdowns and the subsequent explosion in remote working. When did you and your colleagues last go for after-work happy hour drinks? We’re also all spending far more time engaging with screens instead of with other people.

Impacts on male health

But why does any of this matter? Well, it matters on two fronts. Firstly, male health. Research over a number of years has shown (and it seems almost self-evident) that having close friends has positive impacts on your health in so many ways. Those of us with more close friends live longer and have better mental health.

Conversely, isolation weakens the immune system and can increase the likelihood of all sorts of negative impacts, such as sleep disruption, high blood pressure, and heart disease. Some mental health experts also believe isolation among men is contributing to an increase in societal violence. Most worryingly, the starkly higher rate of suicide for men (as compared to women) is only exacerbated by an increase in male isolation and deterioration of male mental health.

Impacts on gay men

The second reason this all matters is specific to gay men. The loss of friendship when you are open about rejecting gender identity ideology reflects the diminishment of gay male-only spaces. There are fewer and fewer places that gay men can go to be around other gay men. Knocking down the “boys club” exclusivity of some aspects of the past was a good thing, and there are times and places we want to celebrate, socialize, or campaign alongside our lesbian sisters or women in general. But there are also benefits to gay men of having spaces that are just theirs, including the space to find, build, and maintain close male friendships and the positive outcomes outlined above.

But where are the gay male spaces now? When was the last time you found a gay bar, as opposed to an LGBTQ+ bar? (And is said bar now covered in “trans pride” flags and only have “gender neutral” toilets?) Even the bars and clubs (and saunas, bathhouses, and darkrooms) that purport to be only for gay men are all captured by gender identity ideology. This means that if a female who identifies as a man turns up, the establishment eagerly welcomes her inside, or else risk being branded “transphobic”.

Where are the gay male spaces?

Beyond the lost gay scene, there are other places that used to be for gay men that are also now lost to the rainbow-mafia ideology and welcome females larping (Live Action Role-Playing) as gay men. I’ve heard from a number of gay men with HIV living in London that there are no support groups left in the city that are specifically just for gay men. They are now all “LGBTQ+”. How far does this extend into support groups for other health issues for men, where men only want to open up with other gay men? Or for the gay male sports teams, local societies, and interest groups?

With a background of male isolation increasing and the ever-dwindling provision for gay men, it is more important than ever for gay men to be intentional about making and maintaining friendships. Men, in general, tend not to prioritize friendship in the way women typically do, and so we need to put effort into our social circles and individual friendships actively and to save (or reclaim) our gay male-only spaces.

HumanGayMale is a new initiative to do just that. Launching in January of 2024, 40 gay men from all walks of life got together for the successful first event in central London. It was a space for gay men to meet socially and to talk freely and openly over a drink or two in a nice bar in the city. For many, this was a rare to unique experience to just be around other gay men and to share views on how gender identity ideology has impacted them and the damage it is doing to gay men (and to gender nonconforming children, to lesbians and women generally, and to the important institutions in society), as well as all kinds of other topics.

Gay male-only events (and more)

January’s 2024 launch was just the beginning of creating social events for gay men only. Other UK cities like Edinburgh soon followed, and major cities in the United States like New York and San Francisco lined up to do the same. The goal is to establish similar spaces for gay males in Europe and other parts of the world.

Humangaymale also started new research into how diminished the gay male community is, asking all of the groups, services, venues, charities, etc., that purport to be for gay men if they really are just for gay men.

Alongside the positives of supporting gay male friendship and community, HumanGayMale is an initiative that aims to reach more gay men about the dangerous impacts that gender identity ideology is having. Many gay men don’t realize the extent of what is going on, largely because it mostly impacts women, and gay men can go through life without needing to factor women into their lives at all. Many more gay men do see what is going on but are afraid or unable to speak up in their social circles, at work, or at their local bar/sports team/society for fear of cancelation. HumanGayMale wants to show these men they are not alone and, in fact, are in the majority view.

How to Join Humangaymale

HumanGayMale is free to join, and events are free to attend. Wherever you are in the world, if you are a gay man who rejects gender identity ideology, then join up to receive emails about upcoming events, how to get involved, and further resources and support for gay men.

James Roberts

Mr. Roberts is the creator of HumanGayMale and has been tweeting about gender identity ideology and issues for gay men using the @HumanGayMale handle for the last few years.

He is a freelance consultant in the membership and not-for-profit sectors, with a communication, strategy, and engagement background. Outside of work, he has a history of running networking events for gay professionals, speed dating events for gay men, Pride festivals, and volunteering with a range of charities, including Stonewall and as Chair of Trustees for the LGBT Consortium (before both of these were captured by ideology). He was also part of the management team of the LGB Alliance for a while.

You can find more from James on Twitter/X and on YouTube, both using the handle @HumanGayMale

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