EDITORS NOTE: By the title of this article, you should know that this will be more ADULT themed and versed than some of or other pieces. The Gay Male Journal is a publication by and for HOMOSEXUAL males over the age of 18. Our content is tailored to our demographic and our shared lived experiences.
There is always talk about if a guy’s penis size matters. Almost always it is from the perspective of women or their benefit. How gay males feel about size is rarely addressed in a serious manner. Of course, we are called names like “size queens” but having our anatomy viewed without humour and given validity is rare. We aim to change that with this article.
First off, let’s answer the question asked. Does size really matter? The short answer is YES. The longer answer is still yes, but includes allowances for the individual, the “usage” and even the duration of sex. When anyone says that size does not matter, they are lying. Don’t believe us? Ask them if 3 inches is perfect. What about 12? How about thick as a beer bottle or a baby’s wrist? See, size ALWAYS matters.
For this topic, we thought it best to start off on the same page. This means, it’s Definition time!
It might not seem like it, but words still matter. And this includes their meanings. We must be in agreeance on the meaning of these terms to have a cogent and well articulated conversation about something as delicate as cock size.
The male sex organ, reaching its full size during puberty. In addition to its sexual function, the penis acts as a conduit for urine to leave the body. Sometimes called a cock, dick, wang, dong and even BIO-DICK, a man is born with a penis that will alter in size, shape and even colour throughout the course of his life.
The typical penis is 5.25ins long and 4.6ins around when erect. There is NO link between race and the size of a man’s penis. This is a myth. There also is no link between hand/shoe size or a man’s height. But, gay males are known to have a 1/3 of an inch greater endowment than straight fellows.
Most people assume average size is much bigger. 6ins or even 7ins are commonly quoted figures. Interestingly enough, most guys OVER-ESTIMATE their size when participating in “self reporting” studies, but UNDER-ESTIMATE the size of their penis in real life due to the natural effect of looking down on it. If you would like to learn how to properly measure your equipment, click HERE.
Finally, in this article we are ONLY speaking about erection measurements because studies prove that over 79% of us are growers and not show-ers, to some extent.
For some reason, the shape of the penis in question is not considered as much as it should be. Dicks come in just as many shapes as there are men. Curvatures to either the left or right, up or down, are not uncommon. Neither are seemingly drastic changes in width between the head and the shaft. Shape is just as important of a characteristic in penis anatomy as length.
YOUR PENIS SIZE
No discussion about penis size should begin without talking about your penis. As a gay male, you have a penis, and want guys with a penis. This gives you a specific level of insight into the issue but makes you just as much a part of the question, as the answer.
No matter your size/girth, you will find yourself mentioned within this article. Your junk will be scrutinized and examined for perfection by other guys, just as often as you will do so with theirs. But, the person who needs to be most satisfied with the size of your penis, is you.
Numerous studies have proven that a man’s sense of self-worth, ability, confidence, sexual orientation and even sexual position is determined by how he perceives his own member. Ironically, this image does not need to be based on fact. Some guys believe they have a smaller than average penis, even though they don’t, and will have the very same issues as one who truly does have a smaller than average one. The exact same thing is possible on the opposite spectrum. Guys who believe they are larger than average will behave as such, no matter the actual size of their endowment.
Not surprisingly, many gay guys allow the size of their dicks to determine their, usually life long, sexual positions. Guys who have a smaller endowment are known to bottom more than those who have a larger one. Many who are well endowed are expected to top, based on the size of their cock alone. At the very least he is looked down upon if he is not versatile.
Guys who do not fit neatly into the “top/bottom” position based on their cock size, often complain of not being able to find sexual partners who will allow them to perform sexually as they feel most comfortable. This includes stereotypes based on race and body type.
It has never been studied which one came first. The acknowledged size of a guys penis or his preferred sexual position. But either way, you should not allow it to be the ultimate decision maker for your entire life.
No man is totally and completely happy with the size of his penis. In questionnaires, guys have claimed to be willing to sacrifice everything from money, to years off of his life expectancy, and even height, to gain just an inch or two more of cock. Coming to terms with this fact does not need to be heart breaking. This is all part of being a man. Perfection is impossible, no surgery can give you length, cock rings and penis pumps only give temporary growth and being depressed over your size will not change what genetics has given you.
The solution is learning to love what you got, and finding a man, or men, that love it just as much, or even more, than you do.
HIS PENIS SIZE
The fastest way to unhappiness and heartbreak is having unrealistic expectations for your partners. He will remain the way you found him. Unfortunately, many want, not only what they can’t have, but what does not exist in nature. The perfect man, with the perfect career and perfect cock is not out there. Not in the clubs, not on dating apps, and not walking down the street. Because he is a fantasy. One that our community needs to let go of. Having realistic expectations begins with knowing the basics about male penile biology.
Micropenis is a medical term for a condition usually discovered in infants through a newborn examination. As the term suggests, micropenis refers to an abnormally small but normally structured penis. The condition is caused by hormonal or genetic abnormalities.
Important things to know about a micropenis:
- Some men may believe they have a micropenis, but that’s likely not the case. It’s very rare.
- A micropenis has a stretched penile length (SPL) of less than 2.5 standard deviation (SD) below the mean for the male’s age.
- In men, an SPL of 3 2/3 inches or less indicates a micropenis. The average SPL for adult males is 5.25 inches.
- Genetics (family history) may play a role in the condition.
- There is no cure for micropenis but hormone therapy may be done for children to stimulate penile growth.
- Estimates vary, but studies indicate 0.6 percent of men worldwide have the condition
Your chances of having a micropenis, or encountering someone who does, is very slim, but not impossible.
Over 45% of guys believe they have a “small” penis. This is, of course, relative. For far too many gay guys it has much to do with porn images and the over estimated size of others around them. The more a man has sex with other men, the more comfortable he becomes with his own size as he realizes he his probably on the “normal” scale of cock averages.
But, just so you know the facts. Medically speaking, a “small penis” is one that is below the average but not to the extent of being a micropenis. For most guys this would mean being below 11.66 cm (4.59 in). It should be noted that when accounting for UNRELIABLE self-reported measurements, findings were 14.2 cm (5.6 in).
It is what is says on the tin. The average guy is going to fall within this range when erect. Being accurate, this would include guys who are at least 4.59 inches, or to use the highly unreliable self-reporting number, 5.6 inches.
This is most likely you, the guys you meet on-line, or at the clubs. Average is not a bad thing to be.
This category was created to reflect our personal “research” into gay male penis sizes, as well as including what is said on the internet. Science does not get this specific, so we decided to help it out a bit.
If we begin with the medium size at 6.5 inches, it would expand to around 7.5-8 inches MAXIUM. For many gay males, this is the range they are convinced they fall into and want their sexual partners to be in as well. It is greater than average but not into the MACRO grouping. Where did these numbers come from? PORN, of course.
Porn stars, models, actors or whatever you want to call them, are hired specifically because they are greater endowed than the average guy. The exception, of course, would be for guys who ONLY bottom on screen. Comparing yourself, and or sex partners, to guys who have sex for a living is the epitome of unrealistic expectations. Numerous studies show that only 15 percent of men are over 7 inches in length, and only 3 percent are over 8 inches.
If you, or the men in your bed, have over 8 inches, you are in this grouping.
- 7 in 1000 guys (0.7%) have a 9” penis
- 0.1% of guys have a penis larger than 9”.
It is not all sunshine, rainbows and lollipops for these guys. Complaints range from being seen only as a sex object, not being able to find guys who can handle their size, never being able to bottom, and issues finding clothes to properly cover their endowment.
But, shed no tears for these guys because there are many gays who would never run from such a challenge.
Anal SIZE Matters TOO!
There was no way we were going to end this article without discussing the size of something else that matters.
Knowing how your gay male body works should be an integral part of your sexual information tool kit. If you would like to learn about how your entire “ASS SYSTEM” works, you can visit their very graphic, detailed but accurate page over at The Gay Men’s Health Project (GMFA) in the UK.
For the purpose of this article, we would like to point out a few important facts:
The Prostate (male G spot) is located ONLY an inch and a half inside of your asshole. It does not take much to provide you, or your partner, with an intense sexual feeling that will literally be orgasmic.
Pubo-rectal sling This is a strong supportive muscle that creates the first curve in the rectum. It’s one of the most powerful muscles in the body after the tongue. The muscle responds to pressure or poking by clamping down to close the rectum and this can prove painful when getting fucked, fingered or toyed with. It’s when a cock stabs this that you get that ‘whoa get the fuck out of me’ sensation. Straightening out the rectum a bit by adopting a position where the knees are drawn up will help avoid this.
The rectum contains relatively few nerve endings and is therefore less sensitive. In general it transmits mostly sensations of pressure. As it is the continuation of the anal canal, the rectum is another tube-like structure of between five and nine inches long, made of loose folds of soft smooth tissue. It’s worth remembering that the average length of a cock when erect is between five and six inches, so most cocks only get as far as your rectum. Normally the rectum is more open and spacious than the anal canal, but also shares its capacity for expansion.
Taken together, all of the above means that penis size is important, but so is the size of your anal cavity. But unlike a dick, your hole can stretch, widen and lengthen to accommodate larger objects, with practice and over time. Not everyone will achieve maximum utility of their cavity, nor will most want to, but for those who do, there are ways to do so, safely. Click HERE for our article on this topic.
Size and sex
Penis size and dating are definitely connected. Some guys like larger, others the opposite. These are fine until they interfere with your ability to find joy in your sexual or romantic life.
No matter how many times we say it, some people refuse to believe that dating/relationships are not the same as hooking-up. Yes, sometimes one can turn into the other, but often times they don’t. Your expectations should reflect this fact.
Dating vs. Hooking up
Let’s start off with some hard truths. Gay “dating” apps don’t exist. What we have are hook-up sites that some try to use for dating. Every single gay dating app is this way. Hell, every app or social media outlet can quickly become a gay hook-up app. From Facebook, to Twitter and even LinkedIn, we have found ways to use these platforms to find new sexual partners. This is not a critique, just a fact.
If, or when, you find yourself on a hook-up app , bar, club, sauna or any place guys go to meet and find sex, cock size is going to be a big issue. People are honest about what they want in their profiles and once the conversation begins. Unfortuntley, not all guys are honest about what they have, but that is an issue for another article.
Dick size is tied for first place with “are you a top or a bottom” in the hook-up world. Those outside of our community find this to be horrible, but honestly, its none of their damn business. There is no law that says you must participate in hook-up culture, so if this reality does not work for you, don’t dive into these waters.
As far as dating and actual relationships are concerned, penis size can be important, depending on the guys. But, to most, they want to find someone who can satisfy them sexually, which always included cock size. Yes, even if they don’t practice anal sex often or at all. Oral sex is an important part of gay male sex, so size will still be relevant.
Can a budding relationship end over cock size? Yes, and does pretty often. Not because one of the guys is a selfish prick but because sexual satisfaction is a large portion of our joy in dating. Yes, emotions and cuddling are nice, but we LOVE SEX. There is NOTHING wrong with this and we need to stop demonizing ourselves for it, or allowing others to do it to us.
There are options to compensate for a lack of compatibility in dick size but it is a large ask.
It is not uncommon for dildos to be used in hooking-up and relationships. But this is when both parties agree on their usage, not because they are to be a substitute for a natural penis. In a relationship this method does not work for long if you try to replace a desired dick with a store bought imitation. “Ain’t nothing like the REAL thing baby!“
The average gay man who buys sex toys does so mostly for solo and personal usage. It is wrong to expect or even demand, someone make a rubber dong replacement and forego their pleasure to please someone else. If you don’t match up, that’s fine, don’t try to force it. This only breeds anger and resentment.
Before you go
Hopefully you have learned something about male biology and sex. Our intent is never to change anyone’s mind or opinion on a topic, rather to provide facts and science and let you, the reader, make decisions that work best for you, based on this information.
Just like everything else in life, the gay dating and hook-up worlds are hard and very competitive. Guys are able to be specific AF in their requirements and will also reject others just as quickly for not meeting, or even exceeding, them. This will not change in our life time. But crying, bitching on-line, writing nasty articles about how shallow the gay male community is, will not make a difference. But it will also keep your options to a solid ZERO. Low self-esteem is never sexy.
What you can do is find your community. Find the guys who like you, and what you are packing. For every top there is a bottom and vice versa. It might take a bit more time and effort to find the right ones, but it will be worth it once you do.
And if you want a short cut, always remember that no matter the size, shape or girth of your member, there are lots of guys that are looking specifically for that somewhere on the internet.