When most people think about gay sex, their minds immediately go to butt stuff. We’ve all had the intrusive conversations and assumptions made about our sex lives, not only from friends and family but also strangers and other gay males alike. Everyone wants to know “Who is the top and who is the bottom”? But, what if you are a “side”?

To be very clear, self-identifying as a gay man simply means you are attracted to your own gender. Period. It does not dictate the type of sex you have, only with whom you have it. At GMJ, we don’t care if you like anal sex or not, we just want to stop the sex shaming in our community. If you don’t like anal, that’s cool. If you do, that’s cool too!

Gay men who don’t like anal sex are called “a side” The Urban dictionary defines a side as “a gay man who does not partake in anal-penetrative sex; a gay man who enjoys all aspects of intercourse with the exception of anal penetration”.

Joe Kort, PHD , who coined the term, wrote an article for the Huffpost about those gay men that don’t enjoy anal sex and even did a follow up on his youtube channel. (posted below)

Defining a Side

“Sides prefer to kiss, hug and engage in oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation and rubbing up and down on each other, to name just a few of the sexual activities they enjoy. These men enjoy practically every sexual practice aside from anal penetration of any kind. They may have tried it, and even performed it for some time, before they became aware that for them, it was simply not erotic and wasn’t getting any more so. Some may even enjoy receiving or giving anal stimulation with a finger, but nothing beyond that.”

It’s OK to Be a Side!

“It’s high time for sides to come out and feel proud and secure about their sexuality. Not being a top or a bottom doesn’t mean that one is less gay or less masculine. It doesn’t make anyone any less of a sexual human being. “

“The Internet is showing us that people get into a wide variety of sexual pleasures, and whatever you get into is exactly right for you.”

“Given the freedom to experiment and explore new techniques, being a side becomes equally hot and exciting as being a top, a bottom or an aficionado of any other position or practice.”


Youtube star, Calum McSwiggan answers some questions about being a side from a personal perspective.

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