EDITORS NOTE: By the title of this article, you should know that this will be more ADULT themed and versed than some of our other pieces. The Gay Male Journal is a publication by and for HOMOSEXUAL males over 18, and our content is tailored toward our demographic and our shared lived experiences.

Gay sex is great, and it is also amazing, fun, challenging, and an excellent way to connect with other men physically and emotionally. Unfortunately, proper homosexual male sex education is challenging to find. This means that at most, our community will receive the basics about condoms but nothing complex or detailed. And no one will educate you on issues considered “dirty and icky” by the average straight person.

Luckily, you have us.

Before we dive in, we need to begin on the same page. The first question should be: what counts as a gay sex accident?

We will look at actions that are not done purposely, like STEALTHING, but are honest mistakes or errors that may occur during the course or immediately after a sexual encounter. None of these are life-threatening or should cause great alarm. But they are significant concerns for lots of gay guys. Your mileage may vary.

Shit happens

We are constantly amazed at the number of guys who don’t know how to handle a bit of clean-up. If we can speak frankly, if you are topping, take a second to think about where you are choosing to place your member. If you choose to bottom, think about where that penis will be going, the duration of time, and the physical positions and actions you will be undertaking. For any gay man, remember, your ASSHOLE HAS A DAY JOB THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX.

Like the children’s book says, “Everybody poops.” Yes, including the hottest, sexiest guy in the club. For this reason, as a grown-ass man, it should not be difficult reach for you to understand how the male digestive system works. The primary issue is that too many gay males learn about sex either from porn, where everything is clean and sanitized for your viewing pleasure. Or from a twisted view of heterosexual sex. News tip from the cheap seats; anal sex is NOTHING like vaginal sex. And your straight mates will confirm that even that is not as tidy as you believe.

Outside scatological fetishes, we do not expect to encounter feces during sex. And this is very reasonable. But, as the title says, shit happens. This is when the boys are separated from the men. If you can’t handle this as a real possibility to your sexual activity, you should rethink if you are mature enough for sex. We’re not trying to be bitchy, but life is hard enough without having a man-child cry because his dick got a bit brown.

WHY IT HAPPENS

Poor Diet

Anal sex interacts with the end of the digestive system. Because of this, things, at times, for many reasons, may get a bit messy. We have a few articles detailing ways to have the best sex by making some easy changes to your diet. Fiber is genuinely your friend, and a regulated system is the best way to avoid accidents.

Douching

Many guys swear by douching, and we can admit that there are times and places where it can work to our advantage. But doing it too often or improperly can result in accidents. Worst of all, it can result in the most dreaded type; diarrhea. Overall, we don’t recommend douching as a regular activity and have an article that talks about why not and things you can do instead of spraying gallons of water up your shitter.

Stress/Anxiety

Your stomach has a direct line to your nervous system. Stress is known to push extra water through your bowels, thus forcing stool through your intestines at a faster rate. Ironically, for some people, it can do the exact opposite. Yea, the body is weird like that.

The anticipation of a sexual encounter and the added pressure to be “clean” causes many guys to have either loose stool or an unforeseen accident. Those who top are the main culprits, as many of them create an unrealistic atmosphere where all guys who bottom are expected to reside. One of the best things guys who top can do, is to learn about the human body, how digestion and sex work, and ensure never to pressure or make their sexual partners feel inadequate or insecure about accidents. This includes not bringing up times in the past they have had the misfortune to encounter such an incident. Unless, of course, it is to show just how adult they were in the situation.

Sex

Think of a penis as a plunger, forcing air into a rectum with each thrust. Then being AGGRESSIVELY pulled out at each release. Do this over and over and over again, and you can have an accident. Different positions with different guys, could also cause changes in internal rectal pressure and signal to the guy bottoming that it is time to evacuate his bowels. All of this is involuntary.

Sex can also cause a release of this pressure in the form of natural gas, better known as a fart. This is also a common bodily function that can make itself known during sex.

WHAT DO DO ABUT IT

The first thing is never to make assumptions that the guy bottoming even knows that an accident has happened. Many times it will be the one who is topping that will be informed first, mainly due to his vantage point, being able to see his dick as it enters and exits his partner’s rectum, and, well, his nose is closer.

PREVENTION

Depending on your location and prep time, taking precautions is best. This includes expecting the unexpected. You may do this by setting a towel down over the space you plan to do the deed. Keep a few (wet) paper towels nearby, just in case. And stay as relaxed as possible.

WHEN YOU NOTICE IT

This might be when your adulting skills are tested and a make-or-break point in not only this one sexual encounter but any future ones or your relationship as a whole. Yes, it is that serious if you make it.

Your options are more varied than you may think. Some LEAN INTO the issue, ignoring it entirely until after completion and then dealing with clean-up afterward.

Others, especially those who are, or have been, in long-term relationships, cannot only ignore it, but also laugh it off because they know what’s up.

Taking a clean-up break is also a good idea. Not just for the guy topping but the one bottoming. At this point, he may be starting to feel some physical discomfort and even some dryness from being without proper lubrication.

Of course, your final option is to end the sexual session entirely, which is your right. But just don’t be a dick about it. Try to be respectful of the other’s feelings of possible shame or embarrassment, and do not make it worse. Doing so could cause lasting trauma.

  • If the accident occurs in a public space, like a sauna or bathhouse, your reaction will have a greater significance. Please keep this in mind.

CLEAN UP

If you followed our advice, clean-up should be quick and easy. The tricky part will be how you address the accident during and after clean-up. Will you be able to talk about it? Should you talk about it, will it all end badly?

Unfortunately, we cannot help you here because we don’t know you or your potential partner(s). Different guys respond differently. We have noticed that the older and more sexually experienced the man/men are, the better they can handle this situation. Experience makes a great teacher.

OTHER POSSIBLE ACCIDENTS

Because we are talking about two or more adult males having sexual intercourse, we would like to discuss other issues besides the above.

OTHER BUTT STUFF

After sex, some other accidents may present themselves. In general, these fall into the STD category, but no one, hopefully, intentionally is trying to contract or infect someone with an illness.

It might be gut troubles, causing long-lasting diarrhea, which may be due to analingus (rimming) or a slight rash or bumps along your anus (anal warts) or penis (penile warts). Bacterial infections are more likely to be known sooner than viral infections, usually with some physical symptoms. It is essential to know the signs, when and how to treat them at home, and when to seek professional care.

BLOODY MARY!

Seeing blood during sex is not normal, but it is not uncommon. Depending on the sexual activity, like fisting, or the man having a larger or longer than your usual penis size, it can cause a small amount of tearing in the rectal wall, thus resulting in some minor bleeding.

Small amounts that cease relatively quickly and are without pain are acceptable. But, if you are feeling pain or the blood is copious, will not stop, or is dark in color, you may need medical attention. We have an entire article about this topic that is great for every gay man to read. JUST IN CASE.

UNEXPECTED GOLDEN SHOWERS

Well, here we are, back to talking about biology. Your bladder is not challenging to be reached by a penis from particular angles. Also, you or your partner may flood the bed with yellow water because his bladder was over full, under stress/anxiety, or under the influence of a legal or controlled substance.

Like everything in this article, this is not regular, but it is far from rare. If you like watersports, this will be of no concern to you.

There are guys known to whizz when they are totally convinced they are about to cum. Or will do so immediately after ejaculation. But, if you prefer your sex dry, let it go. And expect that you will find yourself wet during sex at some point in your life. We promise!

IT GOT STUCK

Overall, it is a homophobic rumor that a guy’s cock can get stuck inside another’s hole, but other items are known to get stuck and become “lost.”

Things such as dildos and butt plugs are the most common, but some of our more adventurous brothers have jammed everything from coke bottles to wine glasses and baseball bats up their butts. This article is for you if you have found yourself in this situation. But, first things first, NEVER RAM STUPID SHIT UP YOUR ASSHOLE!

WHAT WAS THAT POPPING SOUND

That popping sound, like a balloon, is the sound of your or your partner’s cock breaking. Sorry. Yes, it is possible to injure the penis so that it looks broken. A penis fracture is much more frequent an occurrence than most guys understand. Even though painful, it is treatable.

If your engorged penis is bent suddenly or forcefully, the trauma can rupture the outer lining of one of the two cylinders (tunica albuginea). This can result in a penis fracture.

The trauma is most often caused by sexual intercourse, such as when the penis slips out of the anus and is accidentally thrust against the pelvis. But a penis fracture can also occur due to aggressive masturbation or taqaandan, a middle eastern cultural practice in which the top of an erect cock is forcefully bent to relax an erection.

A penis fracture often results in a dick that bulges and appears purple, looking somewhat like an eggplant. Signs and symptoms include:

  • Immediate penile pain
  • A popping or cracking sound
  • Rapid loss of erection
  • Swelling in the penile shaft
  • Discoloration of the penile shaft due to bleeding underneath the skin

Sometimes the tube that drains urine from the body (urethra) is also damaged, and blood might be visible at the urinary opening of the penis.

A penis fracture requires urgent medical attention. The injury can usually be diagnosed with a physical exam, but additional testing, such as an ultrasound, may be needed. Prompt surgical repair is typically recommended.

Left untreated, a penis fracture might result in a curved penis or the permanent inability to get or keep an erection firm enough for sex (erectile dysfunction).

IT WON’T COME OFF/OR GO DOWN

This can happen mostly with guys who use metal cock rings for aesthetics, pleasure, and/or to maintain an erection. Unlike leather or rubber rings, metal ones require work to get on and off. And having a size too small to contain your erection can result in not being able to take it off easily when you wish. Here are a few tips if your erection has lasted for LESS THAN 4 HOURS;

  • Stay calm
  • Breath and try to relax; this will decrease the flow of blood to your penis
  • Lay down
  • Attempt to take a pee
  • Try light exercise
  • If you are alone and able, try masturbating until ejaculation to reduce the blood flow and pressure.
  • If you are with a partner(s) and all are willing, KEEP GOING until ejaculation, and see if your erection subsides.
  • Cold water. Either ice cubes, a cold shower, or a bath may help
  • A warm bath is also recommended
  • Try to remove it with LOTS OF LUBE GENTLY. But do not force it or harm yourself
  • Distract yourself. Watch T.V, do something non-sexual
  • Wait it out
  • Take an over-the-counter pain reliever if necessary
  • If all else fails, call emergency services

If you find yourself at the emergency room because your erection has lasted MORE THAN 4 HOURS, treatment usually involves taking medication to reduce your erection or having the blood drained.

The above is true for prescription erectile medications like VIAGRA/CIALIS and recreational drugs known to induce long-term erections (PRIAPISM) like cocaine, alcohol, and marijuana.

THE RUBBER BROKE

As we stated earlier, we are not talking about those who STEALTH, but those who use condoms, and for whatever reason, it breaks.

We live in a world where condoms are not as mandated for gay male sex as in the past. Disregarding your personal feelings or belief, this is our reality. This also comes with some unexpected complications. Such as, without the constant reaffirmation of their usage, many guys forgot, or never learn, how to properly use a condom. This includes the types of lubes that can or SHOULD NEVER be used with rubbers, how long they can be used with ONE partner before needing to be changed, and expiration dates.

These are all the most typical reasons why condoms break. In essence, user error. But sometimes, even with your best efforts and intentions, one will bust open on you and your partner during sex.

If you experience condom failure, here are the six things you need to do and remember:

  • Attempt to stay calm
  • If you are the bottom, attempt to empty your bowels of your partner’s semen as soon as possible
  • Do not try to flush it out, as this may cause more of his sperm to flow upwards
  • We are assuming that neither you nor your partner are HIV positive but undetectable, so PEP is your absolute best option! PEP is a course of treatment that lasts 4 weeks and reduces the chance of the virus infiltrating the body. The earlier you begin PEP, the greater the chance of remaining HIV-negative. The treatment should preferably be commenced as soon as possible after the risk has been posed, but always within 72 hours
  • If you have not done so, ask about your partner’s HIV/STD status. It may seem futile, but it may cause you some relief if he says he is negative and can prove it. You may trust, BUT ALWAYS VERIFY
  • Most STDs will take some time before symptoms will appear and their presence can be detected by a blood test, which could be anywhere from a week to 3 weeks. But getting tested is the smartest and best thing you can do for your overall health.

Basic and trusted precautions are to learn how to use condoms correctly, if you believe it suits you, inquire about PrEP, know your sexual partner’s STD status as well as your own, and remember #UEUQULSU only applies to HIV infections, not other STDs

IT BURNS WHEN I PEE

We are often taught to be ashamed of contracting an STD. Not just HIV, but any sexually transmitted illness. The stigma around sex continues through every aspect of the act, including the possibility of any disease. The worst part is that contracting an STD is as normal, and dare we say once again, typical, as having sex itself.

We are led to believe that there must be someone at fault, someone to blame, and that person must pay. If we don’t know who he is or how to find him, we are pre-programmed to blame ourselves. The result is a community of gay males too terrified to get tested for STDs, too ashamed to tell their partners of their infection, and too embarrassed to seek treatment. WHO THE HELL IS ALL THIS STIGMA HELPING?

Indeed not gay males, as we continue to be the face of HIV and almost every other STD.

As a rule, all sexually active guys should be regularly tested for ALL STDs, not just HIV, every three months. Even if you are living with HIV, you should still maintain this schedule to check for other illnesses that could cause more significant complications or health issues. If you have recently been informed of an HIV diagnosis, this article gives excellent tips and information from guys who have lived to tell the tale!

Even those who use condoms are at risk for contracting STDs that are bacterial. And no matter who you are or how good a person you think you are, there is an STD with your name on it, just waiting to be brought back home.

So, the question is, how will you deal with that day? How will you address the man possibly responsible? How will you treat him and yourself afterward? This is when you will meet your true self in the mirror. Hopefully, you will be proud of the man you see looking back.

Before you go…

They are called accidents for a reason. Otherwise, they would be called “on purposes.” Give yourself and your partners a break, and don’t be so hard on yourselves. Any of the mentioned accidents can happen to any of us, and they already have happened to many men. And none of us died because of it. This is a normal part of our shared gay male experience. Learn to live with it if you can’t enjoy it. Learn not to stress out, and get yourself educated. But, most of all, lighten the fuck up. You are much stronger than you know.

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