EDITORS NOTE: By the title of this article, you should know that this will be more ADULT themed and versed than some of or other pieces. The Gay Male Journal is a publication by and for HOMOSEXUAL males over the age of 18. Our content is tailored toward our demographic and our shared lived experiences.

Gay sex is great. It is also amazing, fun, challenging and a wonderful way to connect with other men physically and emotionally. Unfortunately, proper homosexual male sex education is difficult to find. This means, that at most, our community will receive the basics about condoms but nothing complex or into detail. And no one is going to educate you on issues that are considered “dirty and icky” by the average straight person.

Luckily, you have us.

Before we dive in, we need to begin on the same page. The first question should be: what counts as a gay sex accident?

We will be looking at actions that are not done purposely, like STEALTHYING, but are honest mistakes or errors that may occur during the course, or immediately after a sexual encounter. None of these are life threatening, or should cause great alarm. But they are major concerns for lots of gay guys. Your mileage may vary.

Shit happens

We are constantly amazed at the number of guys who have no clue about how to handle a bit of clean-up. If we can speak frankly, if you are topping, take a second to think about where you are choosing to place your member. If you are choosing to bottom, think about where that penis will be going, the duration of time, and the physical positions and actions that you will be undertaking. For any gay man, remember, your ASSHOLE HAS A DAY JOB THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX.

Like the children’s book says, “Everybody poops”. Yes, including the hottest, sexiest guy in the club. For this reason, as a grown ass man, it should not be a difficult reach for you to understand how the male digestive system works. The major issue is that too many gay males learn about sex either from porn, where everything is clean and sanitized for your viewing pleasure. Or from a twisted view of heterosexual sex. News tip from the cheap seats; anal sex is NOTHING like vaginal sex. And your straight mates will confirm that even that is not as tidy as you believe.

Outside of any scatological fetishes, we do not expect to encounter feces during sex. And this is very reasonable. BUT, as the title says, shit happens. This is when the boys are separated from the men. If you can’t handle this as a real possibility to your sexual activity, you should rethink if you are actually mature enough for sex. We’re not trying to be bitchy but life is hard enough without having a man child cry because his dick got a bit brown.

WHY IT HAPPENS

Poor Diet

Anal sex interacts with the end of the digestive system. Because of this, things, at times, for many reasons, may get a bit messy. We have a few articles detailing ways to have the best sex by making some easy changes to your diet. Fiber is truly your friend. A regulated system is the best way to avoid accidents.

Douching

Lots of guys swear by douching, and we can admit that there are times and places where it can work to our advantage. But doing it too often or improperly can results in accidents. Worst of all, it can result in the most dreaded type; diarrhea. Overall, we don’t recommend douching as a regular activity, and have an article that talks about why not, and things you can do instead of spraying gallons of water up your shitter.

Stress/Anxiety

Your stomach has a direct line to your nervous system. Stress is known to push extra water through your bowels, and thus forcing stool through your intestines at a faster rate. Ironically, for some people, it can do the exact opposite. Yea, the body is weird like that.

The anticipation of a sexual encounter and the added pressure to be “clean” causes many guys to have either loose stool or an unforeseen accident. Those who top are the main culprits; as many of them create an unrealistic atmosphere that all guys who bottom are expected to reside. One of the best things guys who top can do, is to learn about the human body, how digestion and sex work and make sure to never pressure or make their sexual partners feel bad or insecure about accidents. This includes not bringing up times in the past they have had the misfortune to encounter such an incident. Unless of course it is to show just how adult they were in the situation.

Sex

Think of a penis as a plunger, forcing air up into a rectum, with each thrust. Then being AGRESSIVLY pulled out, at each release. Do this over and over and over again, and you can have an accident. Different positions, with different guys, could also cause some changes in internal rectal pressure and signal to the guy bottoming that it is time to evacuate his bowels. All of this is involuntary.

Sex can also cause a release of this pressure in the form of natural gas, better known as a fart. This is also a common bodily function that can make itself known during sex.

WHAT DO DO ABUT IT

The fist thing is to never make assumptions that the guy bottoming even is aware that an accident has happened. Many times it will be the one who is topping that will be informed first, mainly due to his vantage point, being able to see his dick as it enters and exits his partner’s rectum, and…well, his nose is closer.

PREVENTION

Depending on your location and prep time, taking precautions is best. This includes expecting, the unexpected. You may do this by setting a towel down over the space you plan to do the deed. Keep a few (wet) paper towels near by, just in case. And stay as relaxed as possible.

WHEN YOU NOTICE IT

This might be when your adulting skills are put to the test. This can also be a make-or-break point in not only this one sexual encounter, but any future ones or your relationship as a whole. Yes, it is that serious. If you make it.

Your options are more varied than you may think. Some, LEAN INTO the issue, ignoring it entirely, until after completion, and then dealing with clean up afterwards.

Others, especially those who are, or have been, in long term relationships are not only able to ignore it, but also laugh it off. Because they know what’s up.

Taking a clean up break is also a good idea. Not just for the guy topping but for the one bottoming. At this point, he may be starting to feel a bit of discomfort physically, and even some dryness from being without proper lubrication.

Of course, your final option is to end the sexual session entirely. Which is your right. But, just don’t be a dick about it. Try to be respectful of the other’s feelings of possible shame or embarrassment and do not make it worse. Doing so could cause lasting trauma.

  • If the accident takes place in a public space, like a sauna or bathhouse, your reaction will have a greater level of significance. Please keep this in mind.

CLEAN UP

If you followed our advice, clean up should be quick and easy. The difficult part will be in how you address the accident during and after clean up. Will you be able to talk about it, should you talk about it, will it all end badly?

Unfortunately, we cannot help you here because we don’t know either you, or your potential partner(s). Different guys respond differently. We have noticed that the older and more sexually experienced the man/men are, the better they are able to handle this situation. Experience makes a great teacher.

OTHER POSSIBLE ACCIDENTS

Because we are talking about two, or more, adult males, having sexual intercourse, there are other issues, besides the above that we would like to discuss.

OTHER BUTT STUFF

After sex, there are some other accidents that may present themselves. In general these fall into the STD category but no one, hopefully, intentionally is trying to contract or infect someone with an illness.

It might be gut troubles, causing long lasting diarrhea which may be due to analingus (rimming) or a small rash or bumps along your anus (anal warts) or penis (penile warts). Bacterial infections are more likely to make themselves known sooner than viral infections, and usually with some physical symptom. It is important to know the signs, when and how to treat them at home, and when to seek professional care.

BLOODY MARY!

No, seeing blood during sex is not normal, but it is not uncommon. Depending on the sexual activity, like fisting, or the man having a larger or longer than your usual penis size, can cause a small amount of tearing in the rectal wall, thus resulting in some minor bleeding.

Small amounts, that cease relatively quickly and are without pain, are fine. But, if you are feeling pain or the blood is copious, will not stop or is dark in colour, you may need to seek medical attention. We have an entire article about this topic, that is great for every gay man to read. JUST IN CASE.

UNEXPECTED GOLDEN SHOWERS

Well, here we are, back to talking about biology. Your bladder is not difficult to be reached by a penis, from particular angles. Also, you or your partner, may flood the bed with yellow water because his bladder was over full or he was under stress/anxiety or the influence of a legal or controlled substance.

Just like everything in this article, this is not regular, but it is far from being rare. If you like watersports, this will be of no concern to you.

There are guys known to whizz when they are totally convinced they are about to cum. Or will do so immediately after ejaculation. But, if you prefer your sex dry, let it go. And expect that at some point in your life, you will find yourself wet during sex. We promise!

IT GOT STUCK

Overall, it is a homophobic rumour that a guy’s cock can get stuck inside another’s hole, but other items are known to not only get stuck, but become “lost”.

Items such as dildos and butt plugs are the most common, but some of our more adventurous brothers have jammed everything from coke bottles to wine glasses and baseball bats up their butts. If you have found yourself in this situation, THIS article is for you. But, first things first, NEVER RAM STUPID SHIT UP YOUR ASSHOLE!

WHAT WAS THAT POPPING SOUND

That popping sound, sort of like a balloon, is the sound of your, or your partners cock breaking. Sorry. Yes, it is possible to injure the penis in such a way that it looks broken. A penis fracture is much more frequent an occurrence than most guys understand. Even though painful, it is treatable.

If your engorged penis is bent suddenly or forcefully, the trauma can rupture the outer lining of one of the two cylinders (tunica albuginea). This can result in a penis fracture.

The trauma is most often caused by sexual intercourse, such as when the penis slips out of the anus and is accidentally thrust against the pelvis. But a penis fracture can also occur due to aggressive masturbation or taqaandan, a middle eastern cultural practice in which the top of an erect cock is forcefully bent to relax an erection.

A penis fracture often results in a dick that bulges and appears purple, looking somewhat like an eggplant. Signs and symptoms include:

  • Immediate penile pain
  • A popping or cracking sound
  • Rapid loss of erection
  • Swelling in the penile shaft
  • Discoloration of the penile shaft due to bleeding underneath the skin

Sometimes the tube that drains urine from the body (urethra) is damaged as well, and blood might be visible at the urinary opening of the penis.

A penis fracture requires urgent medical attention. The injury can usually be diagnosed with a physical exam, but additional testing such as an ultrasound may be needed. Prompt surgical repair is typically recommended.

Left untreated, a penis fracture might result in a curved penis or the permanent inability to get or keep an erection firm enough for sex (erectile dysfunction).

IT WONT COME OFF/OR GO DOWN

This can happen mostly with guys who use metal cock rings for aesthetics, pleasure and or to maintain an erection. Unlike with leather or rubber rings, metal ones require a bit of work to get on and off. And having a size too small to contain your erection can result in not being able to take it off easily when you wish. Here are a few tips if your erection has lasted for LESS THAN 4 HOURS;

  • Stay calm
  • Breath and try to relax, this will decrease the flow of blood to your penis
  • Lay down
  • Attempt to take a pee
  • Try light exercise
  • If you are alone, and able, try masturbating until ejaculation, to reduce the blood flow and pressure
  • If you are with a partner(s) and all are willing, KEEP GOING until ejaculation, and see if your erection subsides
  • Cold water. Either ice cubes, cold shower or bath may help
  • A warm bath is also recommended
  • Try to GENTLY remove it with LOTS OF LUBE. But do not force it, or harm yourself
  • Distract yourself. Watch T.V, do something non-sexual
  • Wait it out
  • Take an over-the-counter pain reliever if necessary
  • If all else fails, call emergency services

If you find yourself at the emergency room because your erection has lasted MORE THAN 4 HOURS, treatment usually involves taking a medication to reduce your erection or having the blood drained.

The above is all true for prescription erectile medications like VIAGRA/CIALIS and recreational drugs that are known to induce long term erections (PRIAPISM) like cocaine, alcohol and marijuana.

THE RUBBER BROKE

As we stated earlier, we are not talking about those who STEALTH, but those who are using condoms and for, whatever reason, it breaks.

We live in a world where condoms are not as mandated for gay male sex as in the past. Disregarding your personal feelings or belief, this is our reality. This also comes with some unexpected complications. Such as, without the constant reaffirmation of their usage, many guys forgot, or never learn, how to properly use a condom. This includes the types of lubes that can or SHOULD NEVER be used with rubbers, how long they can be used with ONE partner before needing to be changed, as well as expiration dates.

These are all the most typical reasons why condoms break. In essence, user error. But sometimes, even with your best efforts and intentions, one will bust open on you and your partner, during sex.

If you experience condom failure, here are the 6 things you need to do and remember:

  • Attempt to stay calm
  • If you are the bottom, make an attempt to empty your bowels of your partners semen as soon as possible
  • Do not try to flush it out, as this may cause more of his sperm to flow upwards
  • We are assuming that neither you nor your partner are HIV positive but undetectable, so PEP is your absolute best option! PEP is a course of treatment that lasts 4 weeks and reduces the chance of the virus infiltrating the body. The earlier you begin PEP, the greater the chance of remaining HIV-negative. The treatment should preferably be commenced as soon as possible after the risk has been posed, but always within 72 hours.
  • If you have not done so already, ask about your partner’s HIV/STD status. It may seem futile but it may cause you some relief if he says he is negative and can prove it. You may trust, BUT ALWAYS VERIFY
  • Most STDs will take some time before symptoms will appear and or their presence able to be detected by a blood test. This could be anywhere from a week to 3 weeks. But getting tested is the smartest and best thing you can do for your overall health.

Basic and trusted precautions are to learn how to use condoms properly, if you believe it suits you, inquire about PrEP, know your sexual partners STD status as well as your own, and remember #UEUQULSU only applies to HIV infections, not other STDs

IT BURNS WHEN I PEE

All too often, we are taught to be ashamed of contracting an STD. Not just HIV, but any sexually transmitted illness. The stigma around sex continues on through every aspect of the act, including the possibility of any disease. The worst part is that contracting an STD is as normal, and dare we say once again, common, as having sex itself.

We are lead to believe that there must be someone at fault, someone to blame, and that person must pay. If we don’t know who he is, or how to find him, we are pre-programmed to blame ourselves. The result is a community of gay males too terrified to get tested for STDs, to ashamed to tell their partners of their infection and too embarrassed to seek treatment. WHO THE HELL IS ALL THIS STIGMA HELPING?

Surely not gay males, as we continue to be the face of HIV and almost every other STD.

As a rule, all sexually active guys should be getting regularly tested for ALL STDs, not just HIV, every three months. Even if you are living with HIV, you should still maintain this schedule to check for other illnesses that could cause greater complications or health issues. If you have recently been informed of an HIV diagnosis, this article gives great tips and information from guys who have lived to tell the tale!

Even those who use condoms are at risk for contracting STDs that are bacterial in nature. And no matter who you are, or how good a person you think you are, there is an STD with your name on it, just waiting to be brought back home.

So, the question is, how will you deal with that day? How will you address the man possibly responsible? How will you treat him and yourself afterwards? This is a time when you will meet your true self in the mirror. Hopefully, you will be proud of the man you see looking back.

Before you go….

They are called accidents for a reason. Otherwise they would be called on-purposes. Give yourself and your partners a break and don’t be so hard on yourselves. Any of the mentioned accidents can happen to any of us, and they already have happened to many men. And none of us died because of it. This is a normal part of our shared gay male experience. Learn to live with it, if you can’t enjoy it. Learn to not stress out, and get yourself educated. But, most of all, lighten the fuck up. You are much stronger than you know.

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