The human penis is a marvel of architectural design and innovation, and it comes in as many shapes, sizes, and variations as there are men on the planet. As guys who have seen more dicks than career-long urologists, we can confidently say there is no such thing as an ugly cock.
We, like you, are males who are also lovers of males. Even with this basic fact acknowledged, our collective relationship with the penis can sometimes be complex. Coupled with this is that the average gay dude grew up with very little relevant sexual education or information about his body or genitalia. For this reason, we have created numerous articles that teach you how to clean and maintain your penis properly, when to know that something is wrong, as well as statistics and research about the penis so that your understanding and expectations are based on science and not just porn.
What we never thought we would need to do, but are doing so in this article, is discuss the gay male community’s relationship to the penis and why it is such a focus of our sexual endeavors.
This is your only warning regarding this piece, and it will contain information by and for the gay male community from a gay male perspective.
It contains language of an adult nature that sensitive readers might not welcome. To be clear, we are speaking directly to members of our distinct community, those individuals who were assigned gender male at birth, whose gender identity coincides with their outward appearance and generally conforms to society’s physical expectations.
These are people that also self-identify as both gender and sex male as well as homosexual. With homosexual being defined as an individual who is sexually and/or romantically attracted to other members of his sex and gender expression.
With that out of the way, let’s talk cock!
Community standards
The Miller Test
In 1973, in the case Miller v California. The United States Supreme Court designed a test for determining whether speech or expression can be labeled obscene, which is not protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution and can be prohibited.
The Miller test has three parts:
- Whether “the average person, applying contemporary community standards,” would find that the work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest,
- Whether the work depicts or describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct or excretory functions defined explicitly by applicable state law,
- Whether the work, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value.
The work is considered obscene only if all three conditions are satisfied. The first two prongs of the Miller test are held to the community’s standards, and the last prong is held to what is reasonable to a person of the United States. The national reasonable person standard of the third prong acts as a check on the community standard of the first two prongs, allowing protection for works that in a particular community might be considered obscene but on a national level might have redeeming value.
At the Gay Male Journal, it can be stated that we apply the Miller test to all of our writings, not for the sole purpose of staying within our legal bounds of Free Speech but also to address topics from the perspective of those living within our very specific community. These standards dictate which issues we will pursue and what tone the articles will take. We do this because almost every outlet providing gay males with information about our bodies, healthcare, sex lives, and general wellbeing originates from outside our community and thus has no connection or proper understanding of our community standards. No topic fits this description as much as the male member.
Facts
As gay males, we were born with a penis. We see it numerous times a day. We use it to urinate and for sex. It gets erect, sometimes at the slightest thought, with or without our consent. And other times, will not rise, no matter how hard and long we pray to the sex gods.
We work to avoid smashing it on transit seats and wear jocks to protect it during sports. Most notably, as both males and homosexuals, we encounter cocks belonging to other males numerous times throughout the day. Be it at a public urinal or sexual encounter; penises literally surround our lives. And we love it!
If you were not a gay male, you might find our relationship with dicks, our own and other dudes’, to be either obsessive or even obscene. You might be much more comfortable seeing the female form than the male. You might even have conservative standards regarding when, where, and how you encounter a penis that would significantly differ from the average gay male. This is not to say that all gay males think the same way about dicks, but to note that, for the most part, our community is walking in lockstep with each other regarding this topic.
Taking the Miller Test into account, one should understand that the standards the gay male community has set up and accept are very different from other communities, and we have every right to do so. We do not view the male penis, either flaccid or erect, as a negative. For many, the lines between what could be considered pornographic, artistic, and just an average day are blurred, and that is fine too.
Why do male homosexuals love dick and not vaginas?
Gay men are born homosexual. We are not made. Our sexual orientation is not a choice, nor is it malleable. It also has nothing to do with any level of hatred or disdain for the female form, genitalia, or women in general. Our homosexuality is about ourselves and a natural love of our sex and gender members, and to say otherwise is homophobic. To attempt to alter or change this about us, in even the slightest way, is a form of conversion therapy.
Be it from the far-right or the far-left, this is the (not) so secret question on their minds. The far-right posits a heteronormative view of sexual orientation that solely includes “one man and one woman.” Where the far-left promotes an idea that is “without gender roles and norms that are more focused with the person’s insides rather than just their genitals.” And stuck in the middle is the average gay dude, who does not view sex with a person with a vagina as enticing or arousing, which is why his sexual orientation is homo and not hetero.
Because of this, he is also attracted to, and only attracted to, guys with a penis. In this case, he is not discriminating against anyone but rather acting on his natural sexual orientation. For him to do otherwise would be unnatural. Forcing him to have sex with a gender or genitals not of his choice or sexual attraction is wrong and the antithesis of the gay rights movement. Our legal and social right to freedom of association, including who we have sexual intercourse with, should not be a battle we have with those who do not self-identify as straight. But, here we are.
“Discrimination especially occurs when individuals or groups are unfairly treated in a way which is worse than other people are treated, based on their actual or perceived membership in certain groups or social categories. It involves restricting members of one group from opportunities or privileges available to members of another group.”
Gay males are not discriminating against those individuals without a penis sexually because they are not being treated worse than others. They are treated exactly as any person without compatible genitalia would be treated. They are also not being denied opportunities or privileges because no one has a right to have sex with someone. Sex is not like employment, housing, or other socio-economic categories. To say so is to disregard and diminish the fight for equal rights that every person of color still lacks.
Returning to the question and answering it in the fastest and most basic terms, gay guys like cock because we are homosexuals. It is literally within the definition of our sexual orientation. We are not repulsed or offended by the penis, not just because we possess one. Doing so would be a manifestation of self-hatred or gender dysphoria, but because our sexual orientation drives us in its direction. Being attracted to other guys, and thus their dicks, differentiates us from those who are not male homosexuals.
Loving cock is in the job description.
Social Media and the rise of the Dick Pic
We don’t know who the person who sent the first picture of his junk across the internet to another person was, but in all probability, he was gay. The gay male community has found an unprecedented sexual voice on the internet. Maybe it is because our childhoods were flooded with scenes of straight sex on film and in books for the vast majority of us. The greater straight community tried to force us into sexual and dating relationships with women. Due to age restriction laws, we had little, if any, access to photos of other naked guys. The internet provided to us what straights and those sexually attracted to vaginas had always gotten; sexual interaction validation. And then it was quickly taken away.
Right now, younger gay males are upset about having their Twitter accounts shut down for being “of an adult nature and thus a violation of Twitter’s terms of service”. But those of us who are older can remember a time before Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram and way back to Yahoo groups. This was the first open internet forum for guys to meet, exchange photos, and create an online community. We were beginning to find ways to connect that did not involve bars, clubs, smoking, or drinking. Younger guys could see that they were not the only ones in their small towns that liked other boys. Those within the fetish community began to meet others who shared their kinks. So, it was not long before Yahoo changed its terms of service and shut down all of our message boards. The next large platform for us, which also was shuttered, was Tumblr.
Gay men don’t find dick pics to be offensive; instead, we are quite the opposite. We expect them, even from total strangers and guys we just met. They are as common in our community as saying hello. This is another sign of our collective deviance, toxic masculinity, or both to those outside our community. But, if those of us within our community don’t find offense to these photos, why should we change our behaviors because those outside of it do? Why should we do so for anyone else if we refuse to change for straights?
Why do we like what we like? BECAUSE WE DO!
And then there is Grindr
People outside of our community don’t know much about our dating and sexual lives, so they rely on sneaky tactics on hook-up apps to get “facts” to confirm their biases. No gay man in his right mind would view these apps as an accurate and proper representation of how gay men, well…do anything. Because we have been on these apps, as our true selves, or as much as we claim to be in profiles, and know that they are bullshit. Yes, if you put in the long hours and hard work, you can get laid, especially if you fit the generic type associated with that specific app, but for the most part, they are a waste of time.
Most of us view hook-up apps as a way to pass the time, possibly meet a few guys for sex, or make friends. Those outside our community view them as sexual hotbeds focused on young, white, fit, blond boys. They see headless torsos and dick photos as harmful and even sexist against women and transphobic. For the average gay guy, these are just places to view pics of hot naked guys. Simple. All that extra bullshit is from the minds of those who don’t like us and have an agenda.
Why only torso & cock shots
Gay guys get a lot of flack from the outside, primarily for posting only torso and cock shots on their hook-up profiles. For some reason, this is viewed as a bad thing. The photos are of hot men with nice bodies and arguably impressive dicks. Who wouldn’t want to see that?
But if you are an actual member of these sites and have gotten the attention of someone with a torso/cock shot, you will quickly find out that they have many other shots of themselves, including face shots. These are located in their private folders and sent only to guys they plan on or hope to meet. The torso/cock shots are basically to entice someone to read their profile and want to find out more about them. If step one works, then the dance begins.
So, why post these types of photos if he has more “normal” and respectable others? Firstly, that would be using a community standard outside of our own. Secondly, there are a good portion of guys who do, but there is no law or rule that says he must. Finally, we still live in a world filled with homophobia. Some straights and women troll these sites at our expense as they objectify or even plot to commit crimes against us.
We have the right to protect our privacy from those who we don’t want to see our face, know of our sexual orientation, HIV status, could possibly out us, or use our images in their “research”.
A critical takeaway from this should also be that the torso/cock shot gets the most media and outside community hate, but these people ignore the large amount of manhole and butt shots that litter the hook-up app and social network scene. Why are dicks bad but buttholes good?
The Upside
The average gay man has a mobile phone with a photo gallery loaded with a significant number of male nudes and dick pics. Luckily for some of you, there is no illegal amount of porn that you can possess.
The internet has created spaces for gay males to meet outside of bars and clubs and has also given us new ways to express our sexuality. The beauty of the male form has exploded across our screens, and we approve of this message. Of course, many guys gravitate toward the fittest and greatest endowed, but others have found body-affirming communities that they would never have without the internet. From bears and twinks to daddies and pups, the internet has provided a safe space for guys of every body type and dick size to strut their stuff and find confidence in themselves.
The internet has also provided new standards of male beauty that are far and away from Hollywood or Madison Avenue. Anyone with a computer or cell phone can be an internet innovator and find his tribe with members worldwide. The dick pic has changed many guys’ lives for the better.
What we see when we see cock
Because of the Miller Test and gay male community standards, most guys have seen more dick pics than he can remember. Maybe he requested some, or most of them, maybe not. Probably he saw and even began to collect them from the internet. It is not, unlike the belief of those against porn believe, that we have become numb to pornography, instead that it is accepted, not vilified, and we even find it to be fun and entertaining. We actively participate in the medium, upload shots of our cocks, and enjoy getting Likes and Retweets. We don’t view male nudity as pornography, even when those within the photos are having sex. Many guys are not even sexually aroused or erect while viewing them. It might sound weird, but it’s true.
Appreciation of the male member
M.J. Murphy wrote a typical cisgender gay male hating piece for Medium. It is about “gay men’s rejection of transgender gay men is rooted in misogyny, often expressed as fear or revulsion towards female bodies, especially female genitals.”
Even though we find Murphy’s rant to be nothing but utter bullshit because it negates the fact that homosexuality is not a choice, he, and those like him, believe that the only reason we are gay is that we hate women and all things female. This is most problematic when you consider that we have spent decades convincing the world that our love of cock is natural and now have individuals like him saying it is not only a choice but a choice based on patriarchy and femmephobia.
We mention this piece because he did state something very factual and of note, that even those who hate us must admit.
“Though anal sex is undoubtedly the quintessential Gay Sex Act in the ‘straight imaginary,’ the penis is actually a much more potent sexual symbol in gay male culture. The mythical presence of a large, attractive, fully functioning male sex organ that can become erect, penetrate orifices, and project copious amounts of semen upon orgasm is central to gay male sexual desire, sexual behavior, and cultural representations. In this, gay culture is intensely phallocentric, and it’s a culture oriented around the penis and its cultural representations.”
Of course, Murphy states this as a negative, but we see it as a positive based on facts. What are we supposed to build our community sexual culture around? Why is the penis viewed negatively when we are demanded to reject our own gender and sexual organs? When gay guys see cock, we see a thing of beauty and not an anti-vagina. Interestingly enough, gay male homosexuality has absolutely nothing to do with women or those with vaginas in any shape, form, or fashion.
The internet is filled with feeds devoted to so many varying types of penis that it could make your head spin. We appreciate them if they are long, short, thick, or thin, have a sharp curve, mushroom-shaped head, or gradual thickness down the shaft. In its natural state with a long or tight foreskin or circumcised, gay males fully appreciate and love dick. Ours’ and other guys’. We should not be demanded to apologize for or change this.
And yeah, we do get a thrill when we find out that it is also “fully functioning, can become erect and penetrate orifices and project copious amounts of semen.” It’s like appreciating that a car has an engine and can go fast and that’s the gay male community-accepted bare minimum performance of a dick.
Empowerment
To many of us, gay male nudity on the internet is empowering. Guys with “micro” penises have created accounts to celebrate their newfound love and appreciation of a body part they always considered inadequate. They have also been privy to many men who love their tiny cocks too.
Just like our straight brothers, we grew up in a world where our penises were called dirty. Nasty names were associated with them, and the worst was reserved for those with a foreskin. Our dicks were never to be seen or spoken of in public and not to be touched in private for sexual pleasure. Even our clothes are designed to hide our natural bulges, and so-called “man-spreading” is considered a social crime, even though it makes sitting much more comfortable and less painful.
Being able to show off and showcase one’s member to those within his community is a good thing, and it is harmless and most often appreciated. The proof of this is in the tremendous amount of guys on the internet that follow Twitter feeds dedicated to the naked male body, but especially cock.
Comparisons
So many guys have incorrect beliefs about their penis. They don’t know if their size is average or large, looks “normal,” or is even healthy. This is because he does not have access to other guys’ genitals to compare. But gay guys do. Seeing pics of other guys can give him an idea about his own place in the queue. He can see that he is not the only one with a dick shaped like a banana, curved up, or in any other state that he has been told is not normal.
We enjoy the celebration of the male member parading across the internet. Contrary to outside opinions, this is not a negative community standard. In an unexpected way, these photos can help guys see themselves and their bodies in a more positive light.
The Down Side
When dealing with humans, nothing is pure and perfect, and someone or someones will always come along and piss in the punch. In the case of dick pics and a” phallocentric” community standard, it isn’t difficult to see how it can go awry.
No guy gets to pick how his dick will look. Not the color, shape, size, or length. So when many desire one with specific characteristics, it immediately locks some guys out. But this is a fact of life. No one is going to be everyone’s, perfect man. Learning to understand this and handle rejection is a hurdle many are having a difficult time overcoming. It does not help that there are guys who can be assholes about how they reject others.
Size Always matters
Everyone outside of our community immediately jumps to the incorrect conclusion that we are all “size queens”; the bigger, the better. Yes, this is true for some, but not for all, or even most. Not everyone is a bottom or enjoys being anally penetrated. And then some find more pleasure in smaller, average-sized dicks that can stay harder for more extended periods as they stroke the prostate.
Our community has not done a stellar job in normalizing small and average size cocks. Maybe this is because almost every guy has something about his member that he would change, and the most common answer is length or girth. Or maybe our community standard is too high for most to naturally obtain. Whatever the reason, we can do better with how we view and accept guys with smaller endowments and learn to accept our members unconditionally.
Race Expectations
The Big Black Cock (BBC) is a well-known trope, but so is the assumption that all Asians have small dicks and bottom. Ironically, many even think most white guys only have average-sized penises and are shocked to find guys who are more significant than medium-sized. Every race has some dick stereotype to overcome.
We believe this is where the most psychological damage could be done. To be clear, gay males didn’t create these myths, straights, and women gifted us them. But just because we didn’t invent them does not give us a free pass to continue them. Most Black guys are a bit larger than average but not swinging baseball bats. This expectation outside of and even within communities of color can damage those who do not fit this mode. Further, along with a big dick, he is expected to be an aggressive top. So yeah, this shit needs to stop because it affects us all on some level.
Determining Sexual Roles
A few studies have researched a gay man’s chosen sexual position versus the size of his penis. They found that, on average, guys with a smaller penis are more likely to gravitate towards being the receptive partner in anal sex. For this reason, our community is labeled sexist because the one who doesn’t present the most enormous MANLIEST cock, must take on the woman’s role.
But, let’s remember a few crucial details. There are no women in a gay male relationship. We also don’t just use our penises for anal sex. They also come in handy for oral sex and mutual masturbation, where all involved usually participate. This contradicts the findings that size is the only determinant for sexual roles. As stated above, other factors like race and age are more prominent players than size. But, just like being a homosexual, many guys are naturally born tops, bottoms, versatiles, and even sides. Some can and do switch from one role to another depending on their sexual and/or relationship partner, but most guys are pretty much locked in early in their sexual life.
Being a bottom or receptive partner has never been considered a negative in the gay male community. This is a lie. The issue has been that there seem to be more bottoms than tops at any given moment, event, or city. This creates competition, which makes “so-called bottom hate.” Real gay men know this is within the bottom community, not the tops or vers guys. The fastest way to put a smile on a top’s face is to tell him you are a bottom. The fastest way to see a bottom guy frown is to tell him you are also a bottom.
As a community, we have not done a good enough job in assisting guys in learning to think outside of their perceived natural sex roles and try switching things up. Like most humans, we like what we like and don’t like change.
Appreciation vs. Objectification
Of course, gay males will appreciate the sight of a nice penis. But, we still do have a problem distinguishing between appreciation and objectification, and we believe the difference is so simple that it can be summed up in one sentence.
Appreciation becomes objectification when you care more, or only, about the dick, than the man it is attached to. (But some guys enjoy being objectified)
What was the point of all of this?
Our community has so much hate being thrown at it, coupled with greater expectations from the LGBTQIA++/Queer community, that it can be hard to find our footing. No matter what anyone on the political divide tries to convince you of, there is nothing wrong with being male, masculine, a penis owner, or a lover of penises. Our sexual orientation is natural and good. Our community standards are not perfect but are more accurate and functional than anything anyone outside our community can create for us or understand.
Don’t forget to Penis your Penis as often as possible!
